Smoking Sucks

I know I have not written in a long time but I need to let it out today I think. Today is my second day of not smoking and I feel as if I have lost a dear friend of 25 years! Everything is making me mad and making me cry. Might I mention is today is 4 years since Gary and I have met and Daytona 500 starting today is just the most amazing thing in the world to him right now!

I am angry because he is not reacting to not smoking the way I am and I am tired of him telling me how great I am doing and how much money I am saving! At this point I really don't care,

I am not sure how many know that I am getting Gastric Bypass and that would be the reason I am stopping smoking -Smoke = No bypass!

So at this point my want for weight loss needs to be greater than my want for smoking. The other thing that is really bothering me is that I have been following a blog about a woman who lost her 5 month old baby and everything is so sad and hard for her ,yet I am acting like my cigarettes are just as hard of a loss (so selfish) I have a great kids and truly great husband who god bless him is being great about my needs right now because I cant smoke a FUCKING cigarette. Iquit Meth 5 years ago and yet this seems so much harder.I know this will become easier everyday but today is just extra hard and I have a bad ass assignment due. I will write a happier post later.Promise! I will write about the trials and tribulations of a tween girl the up and downs of buying a new home with my god sent husband and I will write about my weight loss journey I am about to embark on.

Happy Birthday to me!!

Well another year has came and went much to my wrinkled dismay :( I did have nice birthday though. We went home shopping and found a real Gem that we are keeping our fingers crossed everyone likes it.

My new thing at this moment is fostering dogs and so far we have had three come in and out of the house in the last week ...I don't if this is really going to last long due to the fact that we keep getting attached to each one and it is very hard to give them up.

We are heading out of town this weekend up to Williams Az out of the heat and into the Pines Yippee!! I ma not really in the mood for blogging currently but will have more to come in the future. I am enclosing some Birthday pictures and pictures of the remaining foster "Pedro"

Love you all ,

Clee~

On a happier note

I love you because you make me happyI love you because you make me feel safe and secureI love your smileI love the way you say my nameI love the look in your eyes when you tell me you love meAnd how you laugh at me when I do something stupid, when others would putme down.I love the fact that when I'm around you I can be myself and not worryabout what you may think of me, because I know you love me for who I am. No matter what my faults may be.I love being able to wake up with you by my side... It makes my daysbetterAt night I love watching you sleep, hearing you take each breath, andfeeling your heart beat with the palm of my hand... reality hits that youare not a dream YOU ARE MINE.I love the way you wrap your arms around me and hold me really tight, likethere is no tomorrowAnd I love the way I feel when your lips barely touch mine for a kiss, thelove and emotions that go through me at that moment are unexplainable.I love your laughI love hearing your voiceI love that you get along with my family and friend, no matter how muchyou dislike them, or who they are.And hearing you tell me your stories, you could tell them to me a thousandtimes, and I will never get tired of them, because they are a part of you.But the main reason I love you is because.....You are you!

Ponderings

It seems as if I haven't blogged in quit a while? And I am not really sure what I am writing about today? Life seems strange to me at this point. I am struggling with many emotions with home life and myself personally I think. Please don't think that in anyway I am unhappy for I am not :)
Today is a day of ponderings .Gary and I had a party on Saturday with all of our great friends we all had a fantastic time catching up and just enjoying each others company. But I realize that I am hurting for a friend of mine going through the same thing in her marriage as I did and it breaks my heart for I do love her so much.What does one do or say to not effect your precious friendship? I am at a loss with this
Issue number two is anger how does one get over this and learn to move on when it is effecting everything around you?How about disrespect how do you get over this? Bitterness does this have a cure ? These three things have had a tremendous affect on my life lately . I am disappointed in an issue at home I am disappointed in the court system and I am disappointed in the position I unknowingly have placed my children in .
OK surgery is coming up and today is day two of not smoking so maybe this was all not needed Im not sure ...But thanks for listening

You got something I cant resist :)

I remember the very first day

The first day we met.

The very first day

The very first day I heard your soothing voice. The wonderful feeling in my heart I felt ,so strong ,so beautiful since the first day we met.

The very first day

The very first day you kissed me ,The very first day you wrapped loving arms around me ,So strong and protecting.

The very first time you told me you loved me felt so wonderful to hear those words from you for I felt that I loved you too.

I have loved you from the minute I heard your voice like breathing I had no choice .

I will love you now and for ever and this precious day I will always remember.

Happy One Year Anniversary Mr Mastriana

LA LA LA LA

Morning Ya"ll OK so I think my voice is almost back. With 5 days of pretty much not talking and Gary's back being out I am ready for it .Picture this Gary on couch CLEEEEEAAAAAAA
me in another room silently whatttttt ya not so good for communication in our house Woe is we I tell you .
Plan for the day get everything ready to take to the accountant on Monday somehow I-we need to find $9000.00 in deductions?? Yes babe I'm working on .
Go to doctor and see if I can get released to go back to work '
Go to Gym '
Rent Marley and Me
Get Shelby groomed
That should keep me busy for the rest of the day. OH and no drinking anymore wine apparently it makes throat worse I say Horse Shit but OK your the doctor

Silence is Golden

Well all my Friends I am out of commission for about a week :( Went to the ENT today and have the dreaded Laryngitis which we all know this sultry sexy voice is my bread and butter j/k about the sultry sexy voice :) But i need my voice to do my job and this sucks !!

So I get to sit home for the next week and feel sorry for myself and worry about my students ..I don't like it. Luckily Gary took off today and while be home this weekend to take care of me and let me get some rest and Kayla is at the evil ones this weekend so I should be good.

I know it sounds crazy but I cant stand to miss work I feel like I have no control over what is going on. So dealing with this is a little hard and kinda put me in a depression mode .

I have so much to say and it is all trapped under highlighted curls .

I guess I need to get used to this since I will be out for six weeks this summer for my pelvic reconstructive surgery and then I will really be laid out GISH not looking forward to this .

Well just wanted to boo who and let everyone know what was going and why I Would not me answering my phone . email id gary_n_clee@cox.net if you need to talk to me and you can always give the G-man a call if it is urgent

Take care all love you Lot's

~Clee